Stripper Heels and Questionable Life Choices

Stripper Heels

Stripper Heels

Fun fact about me: I HATE wearing a bathing suit. The very thought makes my back sweaty with dread. So, I guess it makes perfect sense that I’ve decided to step onstage–in LAS VEGAS, no less–this August, in 5″ stripper heels and a Bedazzled string bikini to have my a$$ets judged, individually and in comparison, against a phalanx of women who look like rhinestone swimsuits might be something they wear to clean the house.

This, in a nutshell, is the story of my life. If it’s terrifying, improbable, or at some point something I’ve said I would never do…I’m in! (Please refer to my earlier post Running the Bend for the reason why.) A cocktail of stubbornness, poor impulse control, rebelliousness, and optimism informs these wacky life choices. Plus, I have a weird sense of humor.

Therefore, the next several weeks will be about getting myself “stage ready” for an NPC Women’s Figure Competition. Which means eating some things I don’t like, not eating many things I do like, giving up (temporarily, of course) alcohol, drinking a gallon of water a day (sadly, coffee doesn’t count), working out more times a week than I typically do in a month, measuring the weeks by scheduled cheat meals and visible striation, and summoning the strength of a thousand tigers to keep my head in the game.

My position on food (see my food blog for this) and nutrition in general remains exactly the same. I’m just working within a set of prescribed parameters to meet this specific goal. If my coach tells me to eat egg whites and not yolks, I do. (Though in my heart I know the whole egg is the best egg under normal circumstances. And I hate egg whites.)

I signed on for this; I’m going to give it everything I’ve got.


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