Stripper Heels and Questionable Life Choices

Stripper Heels

Stripper Heels

Fun fact about me: I HATE wearing a bathing suit. The very thought makes my back sweaty with dread. So, I guess it makes perfect sense that I’ve decided to step onstage–in LAS VEGAS, no less–this August, in 5″ stripper heels and a Bedazzled string bikini to have my a$$ets judged, individually and in comparison, against a phalanx of women who look like rhinestone swimsuits might be something they wear to clean the house.

This, in a nutshell, is the story of my life. If it’s terrifying, improbable, or at some point something I’ve said I would never do…I’m in! (Please refer to my earlier post Running the Bend for the reason why.) A cocktail of stubbornness, poor impulse control, rebelliousness, and optimism informs these wacky life choices. Plus, I have a weird sense of humor.

Therefore, the next several weeks will be about getting myself “stage ready” for an NPC Women’s Figure Competition. Which means eating some things I don’t like, not eating many things I do like, giving up (temporarily, of course) alcohol, drinking a gallon of water a day (sadly, coffee doesn’t count), working out more times a week than I typically do in a month, measuring the weeks by scheduled cheat meals and visible striation, and summoning the strength of a thousand tigers to keep my head in the game.

My position on food (see my food blog http://www.WeEatReal.com for this) and nutrition in general remains exactly the same. I’m just working within a set of prescribed parameters to meet this specific goal. If my coach tells me to eat egg whites and not yolks, I do. (Though in my heart I know the whole egg is the best egg under normal circumstances. And I hate egg whites.)

I signed on for this; I’m going to give it everything I’ve got.

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